I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
