I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
