It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
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