and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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