no. you can't hotbox the world.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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