There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Fuck me I smell like cheese
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
