census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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