I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize