we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
As shirtless as possible
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
