i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Dick very happy bro
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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