Only a mothe r could love this liver
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
