Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I am spending my child support on dildos
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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