i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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