atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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