Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
