no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
