He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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