You work out of a Hotel?
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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