Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
