like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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