She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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