just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
