he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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