hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
