Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Randomize
