Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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