Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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