I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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