While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
