i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
