Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
