Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
