you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
