we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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