you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize