I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
