Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
