It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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