just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
