just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
