the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
