i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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