you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
