No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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