i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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