Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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