I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
