3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
