Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
