Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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