You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
