never play flip cup with pint glasses
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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