Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
