as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
