billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
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She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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