You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
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