is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
