Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
