hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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