I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
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