I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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