my phone needs a breathalizer
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
