Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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