I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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