i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
