this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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