Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
