hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
We left an ass print on the piano.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
