We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
