Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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