I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
