so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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