just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
