Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
