Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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