where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
