I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
