This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
