Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
