So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
