Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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