I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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