I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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