We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
