woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
