My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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