I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
