I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Randomize
